24: When Your Kid Doesn’t Want to do Diabetes

Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

Worrying about how your T1D child is adjusting to the new routine of diabetes management is common. How do you convey the seriousness of diabetes management while not overwhelming them with anxiety and fear? Is there a way they can take a “break” without endangering their safety? I’m joined again by Annie, a friend and fellow T1D mom, who will read and discuss a listener question on this issue from “Worried” in Oregon. Join us!

Show Highlights:

• Listener Question from “Worried”: “My 11-year-old son was diagnosed about five months ago and seemed to be taking it all in stride and doing well. Recently, he expressed a desire to take a break from some of the management steps and stated that he was ‘tired of diabetes.’ How do I make him understand that T1D is a lifelong thing and breaks like this can be fatal? How do I show him that he has to do the hard things even if he is tired?”
• JoAnne’s Answer: “These feelings that he is having, as reality has set in, seem incredibly normal to me. It is important to make room for this child’s emerging T1D experience in not ‘liking’ what he is going through. Strong and good validation of his experience is critical in stating that he didn’t ask or want this–and the parent understands. The parent should acknowledge that, of course, he would rather have his ‘regular old life’ back as opposed to what it’s become. The keys in validation are using ‘of course’ and ‘that makes so much sense’ language. Helping him feel seen, heard, and understood is the most important thing to help him not feel as burdened and alone. Parents usually fear that in validating their child’s experience, they are giving them permission to fall apart emotionally–and the opposite is true. Parents of newly-diagnosed kids usually learn over time that there is more flexibility in T1D care, even though there are certain things that the child cannot take breaks from doing. There can be variations in giving shots, changing Dexcoms, and doing finger-sticks that his mom can implement to give him a ‘break’ every once in a while. This is where parents need to carry as much of the burden for the T1D child as long as possible because they are going to do this for their whole lives. A common fear for the parent is that the child is NEVER going to be able to do their care on their own, so they need to demonstrate NOW that they can do it. We have to realize that they still have many years before they have to do it all on their own as adults in the world, and we don’t want to push our parental worries onto our children. I encourage this mother to pause, take a breath, and think about where her worry is coming from so she doesn’t put it all on him. A lot of people in the T1D community encourage a ‘diabetes vacation,’ which allows someone to step away from as much of their management as possible for a day or a week. A loved one can shoulder as much of the care as possible to give the T1D person a break. We should think about how kids can do this safely while viewing it as an exception to the well-established good habits in T1D care. One suggestion is that maybe once every ten days or so, the child can go without the Dexcom at night while the parent does finger sticks to give that break.”

Resources:

Visit my website for available resources and upcoming courses/webinars: www.diabetessweettalk.com

*Visit my website to get my Self-Care Kit to bring more ease and balance into your diabetes management routine!

*For help with the emotional and parenting challenges of facing T1D management, join one of our live recording sessions by clicking the banner at the top of the website homepage.

*For help in diabetes management, check out Sweet Talk’s Put Diabetes In Its Place coaching course. This is the course I wish I’d had when my kids were diagnosed.

*For a more hopeful future for you and your T1D child, consider the After Diagnosis coaching course. It’s designed specifically for parents whose child was diagnosed within the last year. Let me help you find a faster path to calm.