FTC in-btwn #10: Perfection-ISM or Perfection-ISN’T

Fill To Capacity (Where Heart, Grit and Irreverent Humor Collide)

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Podcast Transcript: Perfection-ISM or Perfection-ISN’T

© 2023 Pat Benincasa All Rights Reserved

“OK, fasten your listening seatbelt! This is a topic that has a stubborn reach, deep into our creative psyche! In a world that glorifies success & fame 24/7, perfectionism sings a siren song, saying this is the path to stellar achievement! It lures us with a tantalizing illusion of totally flawless pursuits. But this shimmering façade with neon promises has deadly consequences lurking in its shadow.

What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is a mindset of unsustainable standards, leading to self-criticism, fear of mistakes and stifled creativity. And forget satisfaction! The constant pressure to meet these crazy high standards is an invitation to a stress-fest, wreaking havoc on well-being and self-worth.

Perfectionism should come with a warning label! Too much of this, leads to chronic stress and bouts of creative destabilization.

So why are we drawn to perfectionism? Achievement and external validation play a role. We believe that perfection will lead to success and admiration.

Now this is one I’ve struggled with: seeking approval/validation by others to fill a void in myself. If I rack up achievements, I will get approval. The thing is, as soon as you achieve one thing, you search for the next. When you link achievement with approval it is a runaway freight train of never enough!

Fear of failure demands that any deviation from perfection is a sign of inadequacy or incompetency. This one is a biggy for me! My education was a constant nightmare of humiliation. Going to parochial school, held back a grade, placed in slow classes, and being ridiculed for being a poor reader, left me feeling intellectually inferior. I am ADD and dyslexic, meaning that my brain works differently but parochial schools at that time were very rigid. So fast forward, it wasn't until I left grad school that I fell in love with reading. But in the meantime, I was terrified of failure.

I don't know about you, but I had to find a way to deal with this fear! Everybody has their own way of figuring things out. For me, my existential battleground was in my studio. I am an artist. Why have a studio if I am too afraid to fail? The studio is not outside of me, it resides in a creative strength to be vulnerable and welcome art making with all its mistakes, disasters, discoveries, and magical moments. No more, freedom doled out in self-imposed permission slips!

Perfectionism offers an illusion of control in a chaotic world - a structure for uncertainty. What’s not to like about that? It intertwines our self-worth with our ability to be perfect, and achievements become units of measure for identity. You believe that your value as a human being is based on your ability to be perfect.

You're worth as a human being has inherent value simply by virtue of being human. You are a magnificent combo plate in the diner of life- with unique qualities, quirky personality, talents, and experiences that make you -you! I digress. Back to perfectionism!

Now here’s the deadly side of perfectionism: constant stress, anxiety, second-guessing and exhaustion. Fear of failure kick-starts procrastination. If you fear failure or making mistakes, it’s easier to find excuses not to begin a task or avoid a task altogether!

I can’t tell you the number of times, when teaching art in high school and college, talented studen

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