Are You Comfortable Being Self Deceived? | Conversations with the Browns on the Book Leadership & Self Deception Part 3

The Mister Brown Show

Special guests, friends, and sponsors, John Scott Sutherland and Shandel Sutherland, of Sutherland DDS, joined us for a discussion about the book Leadership & Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute. In this last part of our conversation, we focus on the 4 different boxes we can be in.
The box is a scary place to be. When we are in the box towards someone we are the one who misbehaves. We make the other person out to be worse than they really are. We look for evidence that backs up the story we are telling ourselves. We must create evidence in order to remain in our self-deception. It’s scary because as hate rises, we know we are not treating people like humans and we do it anyway.

THE 4 BOXES OF SELF-DECEPTION

The 4 boxes of self-deception are:

1. The Better Than Box: Thinking you are better than others.
2. The I Deserve Box: Thinking you deserve certain things.
3. The Must Be Seen As Box: Thinking that you must be seen a certain way or as a certain kind of person.
4. The Worse Than Box: Thinking that your own problems are worse than anyone else’s, so this is why you can treat people a certain way.

You can operate in or out of the box. If you operate inside the box, then you see everything as a problem that someone else created. If you operate outside the box, then you will treat people as humans.

FINAL THOUGHTS

First of all, read the book. It’s Leadership & Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute. We highly recommend it.

Next, think about the relationships you have with people. Are you in the box in some of those relationships? Get out of the box with people by building relationships with them. If you can’t build a relationship with someone you’re in the box with, then build relationships with the people who are friends with them. Try to understand the person you are in the box with. What is their story? Where are they coming from?

Lastly, remember that we shouldn’t be correcting anyone unless we have taken the time to communicate and teach. Communication and teaching happen when we have listened and learned about people and their world. We can listen and learn by building relationships. We build relationships when we are out of the box. You have no business correcting someone you are in the box with.

It has to start with seeing the other person as truly human.

Send us your questions and your thoughts. Let’s continue this conversation.

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Listen to Part 1 and Part 2 of our conversation with the Sutherlands about leadership and self-deception.

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Sponsor for the show: Sutherland DDS https://sutherlanddds.com/