How to Help Heal Anxiety and Fear After Narcissistic Abuse

But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

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This week we talk about How to Help Heal Anxiety and Fear After Narcissistic Abuse

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello, my beautiful queen Bees. Today we're talking more about the effects of narcissistic abuse. If you are jumping in new here, welcome. We are doing this whole series on the effects of narcissistic abuse, psychologically, mentally, emotionally, all of fun. So stick around for how to help heal anxiety and fear after narcissistic abuse.
Speaker 1: (00:26)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? Do you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with? I'm wondering how you can heal now. Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christy. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
Speaker 1: (01:23)
All right, so we know surviving, narcissistic abuse can take a lot of courage and resilience, but the journey toward healing does not end once the relationship is over. Once you've disconnected, often survivors are left grappling with anxiety and fear that linger long after the abuse has ended. So these emotional wounds can be very overwhelming, but it's essential to remember that healing is possible, right? Having that faith has been a big part of my journey. So today we're gonna explore strategies to help you navigate and overcome some of those anxieties and fears. Empowering you to reclaim that inner strength. Cuz girl, I see it. I know it's there. Let's do this. First of all, you have to validate your feelings, right? It's the first step really, in any form of abuse, acknowledging it and saying, yes, yes, this was abuse, this was bad. It's okay that I have these effects, these psychological effects, whatever sort of effects, it's okay and it's normal in this situation that I'm in, right? Is this situation a common thing? No. We are warriors who have survived some of the craziest type of abuse out there. So it's okay to validate your feelings. These people made us feel completely crazy, like things were our fault. Like we were crazy, like we were perceiving things incorrectly, that we were just paranoid, that we were sensitive, you know, all the things they called us. Okay? So you're out of it. I want you to breathe. Put your hand to your heart and say, my feelings are valid. I'm serious. I'm gonna give you a moment.
Speaker 1: (03:06)
Really s just suck it all in. Like it's okay. It's okay that there may be some resistance there too. This is why I'm big on affirmations, repeating these things daily in the morning before you go to bed. My feelings are valid, is a really important affirmation for people who have gone through such abuse. Another standard, I did it myself, is seeking professional help. This stuff is hard to go through alone. I highly suggest reaching out to myself of course, because this is what I do. Very specific to this type of abuse. I have a lot of knowledge, a lot of experience, and it's fun to work with me. So yay. Or a therapist, I always will say a therapist who has experience in their own lives with narcissism is going to be very beneficial. Okay? So someone who specializes in trauma and abuse, great, but narcissistic abuse, it is different.
Speaker 1: (04:05)
And I do think it's important to try to seek out a professional who has the experience with narcissism. So whether it's me or a therapist, somebody there to help you understand narcissism further. Not only that, but helping, keeping you accountable every week to be doing this work because it, it can be tiring. But that's why in my programs, whether you do one-on-one or with my upcoming course, it's always going to be, this doesn't have to be so heavy and so hard. We'll have our moments. But this is really on building our, our self-esteem back and doing fun things and doing the meditation and making it lighter and happier and, and bringing peace and joy into your life in a fun way. So if you can get that from someone else or myself, that is fabulous, but have someone supporting you, you definitely need that along this journey.
Speaker 1: (05:04)
The third thing is practicing self-care. So engaging in self-care activities is crucial for your wellbeing. Focusing on nurturing your physical, emotional, and mental health, right? So you can do this kind of, I call it sparkle by sparkle. Focusing on one thing at a time and adding it to your routine so you don't overwhelm yourself and you don't feel like, oh, I have to do all the things to change my life. First of all, you're changing your life for the better. So, woo-hoo. Second of all, it can be fun. It's going to be fun. It's meant to be fun. My journey, I didn't realize that healing could be so liberating. Build my confidence so much and just make me like cutting out all the chaos and filling it with peace instead and uplifting people instead of people I had had in my life. It truly changed my world in such a way that that's part of why I do this, right?
Speaker 1: (05:59)
Like I want you guys to get to experience this. So a lot of these things, we've talked about them in multiple episodes, but exercise, meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, all of these things are truly going to help your anxiety levels, your fear, because this is all this energy that gets stuck in our physical body, right? And our mind and all, but physical exercise truly releases negative energy. I talk about yin yoga a lot, I love it. If you want to ask me more about yin yoga, you can email me at fierce mama M A M AAC gmail.com. That'll always be in my show notes on the podcast, by the way, wherever you're listening. But exercise is so important, such a great, great way to release energy meditation, being present, right? Really being in the moment. And yes, some things, some hard things may come up and you walk through and release them.
Speaker 1: (06:56)
Same thing with journaling. It's a great way to process and do those fun things. Find those new activities that maybe you didn't get to do or old hobbies you kind of fell out of doing or someone made you stop doing things you love because they were so controlling, right? This is your time to recreate yourself and part of that journey is this self-care. So remind yourself too that you deserve love, kindness to yourself. Very important. Give yourself grace and healing. So number four, I just touched on it quickly, but surrounding yourself with supportive people. Man, what a life changer. So for me, this was huge. This was a defining moment in my life, realizing there are people out there who are so uplifting who really support you and like trusting people again, and it can take some time, but trusting that people have your best interests and looking out for those red flags, and I have episodes on that of course, but looking out for those things can take time as well.
Speaker 1: (08:02)
But if you have friends already that are supportive, spend more time with them, spend more time with the people you trust and have fun with too, right? Maybe you just have some friends that are really fun to hang out with and you just wanna go get a margarita and chat and sit outside and have a good laugh. That's so important for your soul too. There are also a lot of support groups, especially with this online world. Now, there are tons of support groups. So you can look on Facebook or other social media outlets and find a community. Um, I myself am part of a couple of narcissistic abuse groups on Facebook. So whatever is your jam or your social hangout, see if you can find some people there. Even if you're watching videos like on YouTube, I find that if you're involved and you comment, you can kind of find each other.
Speaker 1: (08:53)
I actually made amazing friends, one of my best friends I made through YouTube about 10 years ago. We both were doing makeup videos and found each other and now we talk all the time. So you just never know what's out there in the world wa web. But surrounding yourself with people who uplift you like that and validate your experiences can counteract the negative effects of that abuse you've gone through and help alleviate that anxiety, the fear, the feeling like, oh, I'm crazy, or just not good enough. All that stuff that comes up. You start to kind of rewrite those thoughts by your own self-healing, but also hanging out with people who are saying the opposite and are like, do you know how amazing you are? I have a best friend who's like such a cheerleader and it, it might be over the top to some people, but I don't care.
Speaker 1: (09:44)
I feel like people have gone through the we've gone through. It's okay for us to get a little cheerleading in. It's okay to have friends around us that are really in our corner and like, girl, you're amazing. Don't forget it. We should all have that. So I hope you find that too. All right, number five, back to setting boundaries. I know we talk about this a lot because it's so dang important. I'm the queen of boundaries. I love it. So one common trait though of narcissistic abusers, which you may know by now, is a lack of respect of boundaries. So learning to set healthy boundaries is essential at this point. Essential for your wellbeing. Like if you wanna go on this piece journey and you want it to work and you wanna not go back, you wanna not get sucked into the drama, you don't wanna attract future relationships, whether it's romantic or friendships, anything that even smells like narcissism.
Speaker 1: (10:38)
Then you have to learn how to set these healthy boundaries, right? This can reduce the anxiety and fear because you know that you have your peace bubble and no one's gonna get in there, no one's gonna ruin that for you when you set those healthy boundaries. So it does it, it can take some time, like it took me a little bit to get there, but that's what I'm here for to help you. Yay. So recognize that you have the right to say no and remember that is a full sentence. No, you don't have to explain yourself away and prioritize your needs. So practice assertiveness in communicating your boundaries and surround yourself with the people who not only uplift you, but respect your boundaries and support them. Like they want you to have boundaries. They want you to protect yourself and they wanna help you protect yourself.
Speaker 1: (11:28)
Those are the people we're trying to have in our life. Got it, . All right, number six, explore therapeutic techniques. So, you know, we talked about exercise, some meditation, all of that. This is kind of focusing on that. Mindfulness, the meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, shout out to you in yoga or creative outlets, right? Like this weekend, me and my stepsister had so much fun. This was Memorial Day weekend for us here in the US and it's a long weekend. I actually had a four day weekend, should I, how many times can I say? Weekend, weekend, weekend. But my stepsister and my nephew came over and we had so much fun doing artwork, jamming on the guitar and singing and just having a good old time. And that is something, creative outlets like that, like art, that's something I brought back into my life after I disconnected from a narcissistic abuser and it really helped me release and helped me feel better and reduced.
Speaker 1: (12:32)
The anxiety, it gets you out of your head and you're putting that energy out, man. Do like a Jackson. If you, if you're in the angry phase, you get a bunch of those brushes dipped in all those pigments and just start waving all up in the air. Like you just don't gu No, but really there's, there's so many ways to express ourselves in our emotions and after abuse, it's just a, it's a great way, it's a great way to release less, but not least. Number seven, embrace self-reflection and growth. So use this period of healing to engage in, in this self-reflection, in digging a little, right? And it doesn't have to be so hard and dark. It can be, yes, you're gonna have moments, okay, we're gonna have to process, we're gonna have to feel the emotions to get through them. But the longer you try to resist, the harder it is to actually walk through the mud, right?
Speaker 1: (13:27)
To me, it's like the slower you go or you have a resistance picture, you're walking through mud, it's gonna take longer. I'm the type, I'm like, you know what? I know I gotta do this. I'm gonna feel this pain. I'm gonna let out a big cry about it. I'm gonna do what I gotta do and I'm gonna run. Cause we wanna get to that piece, right? That's why you're here, that recreating yourself, peace, joy, feeling like a queen. We're here for it. So explore your values, your interests, your passions. Rediscover. Who are you? It's you 2.0. You get to decide. You get to create who you want to be. Now you aren't under the thumb of anyone else. You don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, right? So set goals, dream and celebrate even the tiniest achievements. By focusing on your personal growth, you can rebuild your self-esteem and completely regain.
Speaker 1: (14:23)
I can't say completely, okay, God's in charge, but you know what I mean. You can regain so much more control over your life than you have had up to this point, right? Like how does that feel? Take a breath and just think, how would it feel to feel really in control of my life alongside if you're a God person, which I am. I mean I got my arm and arm of God, me and g o d hanging out. He's got the control, but I get to make so many decisions that free will is there for me to listen to his whispers or his yells. If you're not a God person, I don't know. Listen to the universe, listen to your higher power, whatever. I don't care what it is, but there's something out there that is bigger than us and you get to reach higher and you get to pull from that and know there's many beautiful things in this world and you deserve them just as anybody else.
Speaker 1: (15:16)
Sometimes we look, oh, why did I have to go through this? Or look at them. They have this right? Comparing, especially with social media. No, you get to create a beautiful life and you have to believe that first before you can do it. So you've gotta do some healing. You've gotta do this work, but I promise you, you can build yourself a beautiful life no matter what the past has been. Okay? Okay? Overcoming this anxiety, these fears after abuse. It is challenging. I'm not gonna lie about that, but it is possible. So remember to be patient and kind to yourself. Give yourself a little hug every day. Say, oh, you're doing so good girl. Look at you. Look at you growing and navigate this healing journey by seeking support, practicing all that good self-care. I mean, that's fun, right? We should get excited about more self-care.
Speaker 1: (16:03)
Setting those boundaries, those fierce, fierce boundaries cuz you're a queen and embracing the personal growth, you can reclaim that inner strength and pave the way for a brighter, peaceful, more joyful, anxiety free future. How does that sound? That feels so good, doesn't it? Yes. Ooh. All right. Don't forget to go on my show notes. Um, let me look at the date I have. Oh my gosh, we only have two more days if you're listening. No. One more day. If you're listening on Tuesday, it's today and tomorrow I am still doing my May deal where you get a V I P pricing for my journey two piece blueprint. You get one full one-on-one session with me coaching on Zoom. You can either see my face or not. You have an option of video or audio, seems like everybody wants video so we can see each other.
Speaker 1: (16:59)
And then I will send an email, follow up to our call with our little plan we discuss, and then there will be a mini checkup call at the end. And if you choose to, you can move on and continue to work with me. Weekly is usually how I roll because we love that accountability and really start thriving in your life because that's the name of the podcast. But still she thrives. We gotta thrive. We're here for a short time. We gotta make it the best we can. And yeah, we had some happen, but guess what? We're stronger than that. We are stronger than our past. So check out those show notes, the podcast description, whatever you wanna call it, to sign up for the journey two piece blueprint. Yes. So I'm gonna end with a couple little affirmations cuz you know how I roll.
Speaker 1: (17:46)
Let's put our hands to our heart. But not if you're driving girl. No. All right. I am safe. I am free. I'm a queen bee. Yeah, I had to, I had to be cheesy and rhyme. Why not? All right. Worry less, smile more. Okay, we're gonna, we're gonna knock these anxieties and fears out. We're gonna get 'em. See you beauties. In the next episode, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you get notified when the episodes come up. And also you can join my free Facebook group. It's in the podcast show notes. And also I have a freebie. If you don't have my meditation, girl, what are you doing? Go get it. It'll say four minute meditation in my podcast notes. It's amazing. Start your day right? Cuz you know when you start it wrong things go wrong. I'm just saying. Okay, love you.