240: Making and Keeping Agreements with Martha Kauppi

Better Sex

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back guest Martha Kauppi for a vibrant discussion on the art of making and keeping agreements in relationships. They explore the importance of having explicit conversations to establish trust and understanding between partners. Topics include identifying when and what types of agreements should be made, the significance of revisiting and renegotiating agreements, and developing the skills needed to navigate these discussions constructively. The episode also delves into distinctive challenges faced by both monogamous and polyamorous couples, providing insights into maintaining integrity and trust. Listeners are guided on how to uphold agreements effectively and the potential pitfalls of inadequate or overly detailed agreements.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:51 The Importance of Agreements in Relationships

03:29 Common Areas Requiring Agreements

07:20 Revisiting and Keeping Agreements

11:15 The Skills for Making Good Agreements

22:31 Trust Building Through Transparent Agreements

24:10 Mid-Episode Break: Resources for Desire Discrepancy

25:04 Revisiting Agreements: The Importance of Flexibility

25:13 Experimentation in Agreement Making

26:27 The Collaborative Nature of Agreements

26:54 Understanding Your Partner's Needs

28:32 Building Trust Through Hard Conversations

30:14 Monogamous vs. Polyamorous Agreements

33:17 Avoiding Pitfalls in Agreement Making

39:17 The Consequences of Breaking Agreements

40:50 When Agreements Become Deal Breakers

48:35 Resources for Better Relationships

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Bio:

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, author, speaker, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor. She has a lifelong career in health and sexuality, and is a senior trainer of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Martha trains therapists all over the world to work more effectively with relational intimacy challenges and sex issues. She is the author of Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).

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