28. Rittenhouse Verdict, Racists, Failing My Colon Screening

Sneeze! with James Whittingham

James screams about racism, racist relatives, the Rittenhouse verdict, and failing his colon screening test assuming once again death is near. It's not.

IF YOU ARE A RACIST stop listening to me now. Unsubscribe from everything I do.

Obama's election made us pat ourselves on the back and too many of assumed we were post racism. Then, like powering off the machine that contained the ghosts on the first Ghostbusters, Trump unleashed the racism within so many people.

Thanks for listening.

Black Lives Matter. Every Child Matters.

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Twitter: @jewhittingham and @sneezeshow

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Transcript of this episode:

Thanks for listening to Sneeze.

I'm in a dark mood today.

Hello, this is James.

Dark after dark, before dark, during dark, I'm not happy.

Not only did I fail my colonoscopy screening test, which was no fun, although looking into it, I'm probably going to live.

That's probably fine.

And if it's not, I'll probably live.

We'll see.

I mean, I could die from any number of things.

This I know.

It could happen anytime.

My weight is not good.

It is inexplicably non stop risen.

Even with trying during the pandemic, something's wrong.

My tapeworm died.

I don't know what happened.

So yeah, I could drop dead of a heart attack.

We had a shed lot of snow on my street.

It drifted in.

And when the snow drifts, it becomes hard and heavy and dense like cement.

Don't ask me why, okay, because I'm a geek.

I think what happens to is the crystals get eroded, so there's no space between them anymore.

And what you have is just frozen snow, which is ice, and ice is heavy.

So yeah, I was stuck at home.

We shoveled my wife's car because she needs it for work.

I stayed at home with my car because it was 20ft of about three tons of snow.

And I tried using my little electric my battery.

Electric snow shovel doesn't do a thing.

I mean, it does things, but it's like chipping away at an iceberg with a pick you can't get anywhere.

And I don't have a snow blower because I would probably have one.

I bought one and took it back once because I didn't like it.

It was clearance and there was something wrong with it.

It was fucking broken.

There you go.

But I need one once every three, four years.

Once one time every three, four years.

The rest of the time the snow shovel will do me fine because it doesn't snow that much here usually.

So I don't have a snow blower.

My neighbors do and they like to stop at the property line.

The fuckers? The fuckers can't go past the property line.

There's a guy down the street with an ATV.

When he got to my driveway, he stopped.

Why? I don't know.

I don't know.

He's a redneck.

Pretty sure he's a redneck.

Pretty sure I heard him.

Pretty sure I heard him yelling obscenities at a woman once.

A strange woman.

Not a strange woman, a stranger to him, which is never good when somebody's driving down the street.

It's just stupid.

The whole world is stupid.

And the written house verdict just came down.

I wanted to talk about racism anyway.

So I said, James, go feed yourself.

Get some carbohydrates, turn on the telly while you eat because you need a distraction, because you're eating poorly.

Once you see a white man crying on a stand, you know it's going to go well for him.

What's his fucking deck on the Supreme Court.

Fucking cunt.

You fucking piece of shit cunt.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a rant cast, but I am dying, people, and I have a right to be angry.

It's one of the stages of learning that you failed your colonoscopy test.

Your colonoscopy screening test, your colon screening test, your shit test.

I talked about it last week.

I doubt my shit really well.

I didn't want to miss anything.

Well, I didn't, because they found it.

They found what? They were looking for samples of blood on the edge of my stool, which could be there for any number of reasons.

I read one statistic that said 4% of people actually have cancer who failed a test.

Okay, I don't even like those odds.

You know that.

But it's not a death sentence, which is why they screen you in the first place.

They send these kits out of the mail and they screen them so that you don't die of colon cancer.

And the good news is, if I pass my colonoscopy, which I'm not sure I will, I think there's a better chance of 4% that I am dying or have a fatal disease or a dangerous disease.

But I think that if I pass, they tell me that I don't have to do a shit test for five years because apparently colon cancer moves slowly.

That has to be the only reason why they would do that for five years.

So I've read other statistics that scared the daylights out of me.

I prefer to go with the 4% one because those are pretty good odds.

Pretty good odds.

But I'm a fat bastard.

I've had two colonoscopies.

I've had a little constipation.

Oh, we better send you for colonoscopy.

I get in three days.

Once three days later, I had given myself Enemas.

This is the old days.

They're better now.

You actually have to give it yourself.

Two Enemas, clean out your fucking shithole.

And yeah, we had a scope of Me 5ft long Deemeral, and they don't use Demerol anymore.

I hope the new drug is good.

They say they put you to sleep.

I just don't want to not wake up because I'm a fat man.

Fat men don't sleep well in hospital settings.

Hopefully this is not my last podcast.

Let's see here.

The colonoscopy is on the 9th, so it'll either be a terrible Christmas or Christmas of renewal.

A second chance, at least on life.

But I don't know what I'm going to do with I pissed away my life already.

But you know what? I think I'm pretty happy with my life now.

There's one thing that I'm not happy with, and that is finances.

I have not earned money per se in any significant way that would benefit my family a little bit here and there, but not in a way that I should have provided for my family that I regret.

However, as far as accomplishments go and the person that I am in the situation I'm in, everything except money is really good.

In fact the young James looking back saying 1820 year old James would be thrilled with the things that I've accomplished.

I wouldn't even been able to believe that.

I don't know, I haven't cured cancer, I haven't solved pie.

But I had low expectations I think at that age.

And I'm really happy with some of the things I've accomplished.

Some of the things I never would have expected to have accomplished or been at.

So I am content in what I have accomplished in my little bits of career and in my life.

I'm a father and that's worked out really well.

So beyond money, I'm happy.

Know that know also that I really like chocolate and I really like food too much.

And my body is falling apart.

And I can't exercise very well because things are physically not working physically.

There are things that are just not working for me to exercise.

I am exercising as best I can.

But I would be doing a lot more if I could.

And I can't.

My foot for example, problems with my foot, mechanical problem, tendon problem and it's just not fucking these things take a long time to heal.

I don't have time.

I don't have much time anymore.

And time goes by faster.

I'm basically dead.

Okay? I'm 55 years old.

The time in the last 50 years went by pretty damn fast.

In the next 50 years if I lived that long and I won't.

But let's say I did.

It'd probably be like a day, right? It's going to be a very quick time.

And I won't even seen everything that there is to see on Netflix.

That's just the top tier shows I wouldn't have even gotten to.

So I don't know.

I'm pissed off about a lot of things.

I'm pissed off that I don't have enough money to buy a snow bloor and that I'm thinking of either buying a defibrillator or snow blower.

I need one of the two for days like today.

Because I can shovel.

But I think my heart will probably be one of the people who dies shoveling.

Because it's easy.

It's easy to get the heart rate going suddenly and you're out in the cold, you're mad, you're mad at the snow.

Maybe you're not mad, but you're not happy.

snow blower or the fibrillator or both or I should be rich enough to pay for a fucking person to shovel and have maids and what else is there? I won't get into them starting to get self conscious about what I say because my kids can listen to my show.

I can't do that.

I can't worry about that.

I can hide for the fact that they even have the show.

So we'll do that.

We'll do that instead.

I thought electric cars and perhaps flying cars would be ubiquitous by now.

I also thought sex robots would be ubiquitous.

Where are we on these things? We're late.

I thought cancer would be cured, didn't you? Those people are my age and grew up in the 70s, came of age in the 80s.

Didn't you think that? Why are we so far behind when Obama became President of the United States? I naively, and I hate myself for thinking this.

At the same time, I don't blame myself, but I was very naive to think that racism was not over, but it was a big pat on the back.

Hey, look, it's moving forward.

The world is moving forward like we thought it would, like we expected it to, and it hasn't.

And it's amazing how much it has.

And if anything, having Obama's president is what opened up the reality of what people actually think.

The reaction to him becoming president, a black man in charge, God forbid, and the reaction of Trump and everything that came around that and the Unleashing is like Ghostbusters.

Ghostbusters own theaters today, the new Ghostbusters.

It's like opening up where they turned out off the power, where they restored the Ghost.

That's what Trump did.

He turned off to the power of the racist ghosts within us, and they all came out, and now they're raging and they're taking over the world, and we have lost control to the racists.

If you're on Facebook and you share a racist meme of any sort, anything that has to do with race, anything that has to do with Black Lives Matter, for fuck's sake, put a sheet over your head while you do it.

Be yourself.

Don't pretend you're not racist.

I can't stand racism.

I never could stand racism.

And now it's unbelievably worse than ever because people wear it on their fucking sleeves like it's okay, like they hide behind conspiracy theories to enforce and back up their racism, that they really want to feel they really want to get up in the morning to feel that they are not equal, that they are superior.

But that doesn't come up with their conversation, does it? It's there, though.

If you are racist, you think you are superior because you're white.

Now, there's other kinds of racism, yes, but primarily it's white people think either superior to people who are not white, that their skin color affects how they are, and that their place in the world was Godgiven, even though Christ himself was not white, that whites were given the earth.

Well, fuck you.

Fuck your mother, too.

Fuck her grave if she's dead.

I'm so fucking pissed off with racists fuck.

My relative was here visiting overnight, going on about Black Lives Matter, how he would not this is an intelligent man who has traveled the world, who has money, has decided it's too risky to go to the United States because Black Lives Matter have free reign, according to what? I don't know where the fuck he got that from.

But I'm assuming it was on racebook or his buddies were on Facebook spreading this shit, amplifying this shit.

Come on.

And that the good people protesting at the Capitol were arrested and others were not.

Therefore, United States is not someplace it's affecting his fucking life.

Now, I don't know.

This guy was always a fucking racist.

Everybody from fucking Alberta is racist.

I can't cross that goddamn border without encountering racism.

Literally, I count five minutes of talking to someone before I hear a racist fucking joke or the phrase, I'm not racist.

But these people have relatives who are black, and yet they fucking crap around, and they should be in a goddamn sheet.

Fuck them.

Fuck the world for being racist.

Fuck human nature for being racist.

Have we not moved past that? Have we not fucking moved past racism? Has education not been enough for us to move past the fact that people think they are superior to another race? It's horseshit.

Had I not say that because I'm dying? Because I don't really believe that I'm dying.

I believe that I'm dying slowly.

Fuck, I'm so sick of racist.

And of course, none of them, not a single fucking racist, thinks they're racist.

Not one of them.

They're the last people.

They think they're the least racist people in the world.

Wake the fuck up.

You're racist, which means you're a shitbag, which means you don't deserve to fucking breathe in free society.

Go back to your fucking holes.

This boil has been lanced.

Till next time.