79. Ray Epstein: The New Kid in Class Brings Hidden Terrors

Sexual Assault Survivor Stories Podcast - SASS

Some communities are safe harbors of individuals who identify as an assemblage who have known each other for a long time…grown together, supported each other, learned together…who have the common denominator of having gone through the same things together, particularly school. Such was the case for Ray Epstein as she progressed through a very small elementary school and middle school. Her friends and classmates were people with whom she grew up…she knew all of them and they all knew her. And while she never considered herself part of the popular group because, as she saw it, she was a quiet girl who “was at the bottom of the food chain,” she still had friends and she was part of the group.

But that all changed when she was in seventh grade and a “new kid” transferred into her class. He was someone everyone flocked to; he was “shiny and new,” and everyone wanted to be his friend. Everyone except Ray. Because she was reserved and quiet, she figured he wouldn’t be interested in her, so she didn’t even try to get to know him or hang around with him. She thought he would never even notice her. But that wasn’t the case…he started talking to her and sending her notes. Before she knew it, she was involved in a sort of clandestine relationship with this person—he’d talk to her and spend time with her when they were on the way home from school, and away from the school, but he acted like he didn’t know her when they were at school. And soon he convinced her that she needed to start self-harming, as he was, and that if she didn’t do so, he would quit being her friend, break up with her, or kill himself. Not long after that he started forcing her into sexual contact. What followed was a harrowing relationship that escalated into sexual violence, and then death threats. This story is shocking. And important to hear. Important because Ray isn’t the only person that has been affected by people like the perpetrator in this horrific story.

We need to start talking more about these types of relationships. Talking about them, exposing them, and dealing with these malicious, controlling, and extremely damaging relationships that harm in deeply disturbing ways. That’s the only way we, as a society, will change the culture. Fortunately for Ray, she was directed by her mother to an organization that helped teens in troubled, harmful relationships. Ray’s life and worldview was exposed to a profoundly supportive and therapeutic organization that helped Ray see that she wasn’t alone. And that there was hope and healing. Ray said that the Break the Cycle organization in Washington DC was life changing. And she said that since her experience with them, she knew that she wanted to be involved in sexual assault prevention activism. And she has been. Two years ago Ray re-started the defunct Student Activists Against Sexual Assault, a chapter of the Take Back The Night Foundation, on the Temple University campus. SAASA is a 500+ person-strong organization under the leadership of Ray. In addition, Ray is a supporter and vocal advocate of Project Callisto, another organization dedicated to ending sexual assault: “Callisto leverages cutting-edge encryption technology to empower campus survivors, provide a safe alternative to reporting, and increase the likelihood that serial offenders will be held accountable. Our proprietary system, Callisto Vault, allows survivors to create a timestamped record of their assault and/or match with others harmed by the same perpetrator.” (Project Callisto website homepage; https://www.projectcallisto.org) Ray Epstein refused to let her perpetrator continue to manipulate her, nor does she allow her past sexual assaults and rape to define her. Rather, Ray tells her story to inform and educate as part of her ongoing activism to preventing sexual assault and rape, and to help bring justice to victims and survivors by empowering them through her story. Ray is a force. And Sexual Assault Survivor Stories is honored to have her as part of our family of survivors.

Don’t miss this episode. Listen to Ray’s story and her dedication to inform and educate. Then share this episode with as many people as you can. And remember to Start By Believing; because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault.

Here are some important websites that Ray and I would like you to know about and utilize:

https://www.instagram.com/saasa.temple/?hl=en

https://takebackthenight.org

https://www.projectcallisto.org/

https://evawintl.org

https://startbybelieving

https://markel-consulting.com

https://sites.libsyn.com/302675

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