Episode 29: Part 1 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Episode 29: Part 1 - Finding yourself, a tale not just for movies

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. Cohen From the Free Music Archive Released under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://allisonfallon.com/finding-yourself/

- talk about movies and the lead needing to find themselves, especially after a major challenge/failure.

- You hear people talk about "finding yourself" all the time and yet most of us don’t really know what it means or why it matters. In fact, I think the term gets sort of watered down. We think of "finding yourself" as this cursory thing we do, on the side, if we have time, after we get the more important work of life done.

We forget what an incredible danger it is to live life without knowing who you are.

"A man’s growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A person without a strong sense of identity tends to suffer from:

Not to mention, it can be really difficult to make a decision—even a small one. When we don’t know who we are, we end up spending more time wondering about what other people want from us than about what we want and need for ourselves. Which, of course, can be incredibly anxiety-producing.

"Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." - Ann Landers

Lack of Personal Identity and Depression. There is a psychologist and author named Albert Bandura who has done a considerable amount of research around something he calls self-efficacy, which could be translated: a strong sense of self. He makes a specific connection between a weak sense of personal significance and depression.

Bandura says, "A weak sense of personal-efficacy operates on the cognitive source of depression in several ways."

First, it impacts how we interpret positive and negative experiences. When someone with a strong sense of self experiences something negative in their life—anywhere from a bad grade on a test to a death in the family or a personal illness

"All the wonders you seek are within yourself." -Thomas Browne

Second, it impacts the degree of control we believe we have moving forward. When the events of life are less-than-ideal, a person with a strong sense of self puts the locus of control inside himself for moving forward.

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."- Jean de La Fontaine

Third, it influences the story we tell ourselves about personal accomplishments and failures. Bandura’s research actually showed that people with a strong sense-efficacy felt slightly better about themselves socially and emotionally than their peers.

"Sometimes we must lose ourselves to find ourselves." -Sonny Long

How do you process successes and failures as they happen to you? What does this tell you about how much control you have moving forward? What is the story you tell yourself about your personal accomplishments or failures?

When it comes to finding yourself, depression and making big decisions, it shouldn’t surprise us that the mind and body are profoundly and miraculously connected.