"He Gets Bigger, I Get Stronger" FOF observations and influences with Ryan

Fatherhood On Fire

In this episode your host, Ryan Sullivan, shares some of his background as well his observations of our first seven guests.

Growing up in Indianapolis, IN the youngest of three. My father was always around growing up. His work even enabled him to come home during lunch most days before I was school aged or in the summer. Dad was generally supportive of our interests. He must have coached more than a dozen soccer teams despite never learning how to properly kick a soccer ball. Dad always wanted us to go to college. And school was a source of constant battle for us. I loathed homework and was more interested in the hallway or the playground. Having done well enough on my SATs, Indiana State University took a chance on me. Despite my best efforts to screw it up I actually had a pretty solid undergraduate career getting elected Student Government Association Vice President and graduating with a 3.25 GPA.

But it was the summers that impacted my attitude towards fatherhood. A friend introduced me to the Painted Turtle Camp, now a part of the Serious Fun Children's network. And in the summer of 2009, I was headed out west to serve as a waterfront counselor. The Painted Turtle is a special place that has had a huge impact on my life. In fact I have a single tattoo and it's a turtle with a heart on it's shell. The Painted Turtle exists to provide camp experiences for children with serious illnesses and weekend retreats for families.

One week we had campers with Spina Bifida. A condition affecting the spinal cord that can result in mobility issues and paralyses of the legs requiring the use of motorized wheelchairs for independence. Many of our campers required assistance getting in and out of their chairs. One of our older campers required two counselors and it was usually best if there were a third to help with transfers. No matter how clunky and poorly our transfers were he was always grateful and told us we were great. It was a blast to hang out with him for the week so we wanted to see him off. When his dad arrived we helped load up his bags expecting to help with one last transfer. Before we could get trunk closed his dad had him over shoulder in a perfect fireman's carry and effortlessly placed him in the truck. Me and the other physically exhausted counselors stood mouth agape agape and finally asked how he’s able to do that? Before driving off he leaned out the window and said with a cheeky smile “he gets bigger, I get stronger”.

That’s always stuck with me and what I’ve expected fatherhood to be. While most of us won’t have to endure the physical or emotional burden of a child with Spina Bifida. I believe we must continue to grow stronger. Stronger emotionally, in faith, financially (not accumulating material wealth but adequately stewarding our families resources, one of my many shortcomings), physically and mentally so we can support our children as their challenges grow in size and risk.

Ryan's observations from our first seven interviews

Humility - It’s not about having the answers. But about being on your kids team and helping them ask questions.

Taking joy in their interests. Rather than enforcing our passions on our children support their interests and find joy in their passion. Whether it’s playing Pokemon or going to their baseball games even though you don’t like sports.

Courage to pursue their own interests. And sacrifice to do it with minimal disruption to their family.

Being present. In our time crunched, tech heavy society. As Brene Brown said, “It takes courage to say yes to rest and play in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.” This is true in parenting and fatherhood as well. But I want to encourage us to be brave enough to openly discuss how much you also love being a father.

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