#8 - How To Intentionally Create Positive Personal Interactions

Style With Intention Podcast

Your personal style is reflected in all the ways you present yourself - including your interactions with others. You can choose how you want to be known and the legacy you create - by first deciding how you want to feel inside.

Here are the biggest takeaways from this episode:

• Why intentionally creating positive interactions isn’t only nice for the people around you. (Hint: there are major perks for you too.)
• How to intentionally choose what you put out into the world.
• How not making a choice is a choice in itself.
• I’ll give you some pointers on how to project out into the world what you want to take in. (Hint: you have way more control than you think.)

Hey there! I’m so glad you are tuning in! Today we’re going to be talking about how to intentionally create positive interpersonal interactions. We all remember our parents and teachers saying, “treat others how you want to be treated” -- well, I think they were on to something! The hundreds of ordinary, small personal style choices you make each day can actually shape the way you feel and help you put out into the world what you want to get back. Join me as we dive deeper into ways to put a little more positive energy into your every day. As always, my goal is to make it quicker and easier for you to access more ease, joy, and intention in your life...because happy looks really, really good! Enjoy the show!

BONUS CONTENT

This week's free bonus content is a low-pressure, all upside 30 day challenge! It's called "The 100 Acts Of Kindness Challenge" and when you sign up, I’ll send you 30 days worth of ideas and inspiration for acts of kindness you can do anytime, anywhere - with friends, family, and even strangers! - so you can put out and bring in a little more positive energy each day!

Click HERE to get started now

or

just text the word 100ACTS to 44-222

and we’ll send it out right away!

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If you'd rather read than listen, here's the

FULL TRANSCRIPT OF EPISODE #9

HOW TO INTENTIONALLY CREATE POSITIVE PERSONAL INTERACTIONS

Welcome to Style With Intention - where we talk about how to use your personal style as a tool to create a life you love.We believe choice is empowering, complacency is boring, and happy look really, really good! I’m your host, Annie Kip, and today we’re talking about the value of intentionally creating positive interactions and experiences for yourself and for other people. And I just want to admit up front - I’m not talking about this for the purely altruistic reasons you might expect. I want to talk about creating positive interactions for selfish reasons. Let’s start from there, since you are much more likely to do something if you can see how it will benefit you -- but rest assured that the good you will put out into the world will benefit everyone else as well. You probably know people who just make you feel good when you’re around them. This goes way beyond whatever they’re wearing and how the decorate their home or office. It’s the way they make you feel. When I first met the teachers at my son’s new school, there was one that struck me. At first, she didn’t seem like someone that I normally would be drawn to - I didn’t think she would be interested in me either - but there was something special about her that was special. She had a funky, casual style, that I admired, but the thing that really struck me was her “vibe” - for lack of a better word. Talking with her for the first time, it was as if she presumed friendship and familiarity - in a really nice way. There was no formality and none of that careful, "guardedness" a lot of people have when you first meet them. She was just warm and friendly and open, right from the start. She’s become one of my favorite people. It just feels good to be in her presence and she makes you feel good about yourself when you talk with her. Then I realized the other day that it also probably feels good to BE her. She’s putting whatever she’s feeling inside back out into the world. And it’s coming right back at her in the form of the positive interactions she’s having with people like me. Your interactions start from how you feel inside and they result in what shows on the outside. You just don’t get to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good draws positive experiences and opportunities to you - if you feel bad, closed, and down inside. So it’s super important to figure out what makes you feel good inside and what makes you feel “meh” or even “ick” When you’re listening to the “whispers” - those subtle signals that you get from your brain which tell you what lights you up and what feels good and what doesn’t - personal style choices around interactions are grooving well, it’s like an endless circle of feeling good inside and sharing that goodness out with people on the outside, and getting positive feedback that just makes you feel more good on the inside - and so on. Sure, you’re going to have to deal with difficult people - and some of the things we’re going to talk about today will help with that - but today, we’re talking about how to create good interactions out of nothing. We’re going to start from neutral, because I want you to see that you always have some amount of influence in the way your interactions go. You may not always be aware of it, but you’re always making a choice about what you put out into the world - because not making a choice is a choice nonetheless. For instance, Maybe you’ve heard of “RBF” - resting bitch face, pardon my language, but I think this is hilarious - because sometimes people do have a scowl on their face when they are lost in thought. It’s worth trying to notice if you have an RBT - because it’s a choice. You probably aren’t thinking too hard about how you come across, unless you’re sort of neurotic like I am. Many of the simple, ordinary choices you make and the things you do all day - they just are a part of you - but you can shape them by choosing how you want to feel inside first. I don’t think someone with RBF is thinking positive, happy thoughts inside. And if she is, the way she looks is out of alignment with how she feels and that’s not good. She will get reactions that don’t match what she thinks she is putting out there. Your personal style shows in the look you wear on your face, whether it’s conscious or unconscious - as well as your demeanor, your attitude, and the vibe people feel when they’re around you. It’s how you do or don’t engage and invite people into your personal space. It’s how you make people feel in your presence. It’s how you are there for a friend and how you engage with people - and even strangers - you come across throughout your day. Here’s an example of how your choices can make a lasting impression - this story is about a friend from my childhood. She was actually the mom of one of my best friends and she was sort of like a mom to me too. When I think of Martha, I think of someone who never had a bad thing to say about anyone. She always seemed “up” and happy to see me. If there was ever negative talk about something, she would just laugh and move the conversation to more positive topics. She was so easy to be around and you always felt loved and accepted in her presence. I can’t really remember anything she wore back then or what her house was like - but I know how good it felt to be around her. She’s probably in her 70’s now, but Martha is still the same beautiful person - inside and out - that she was back when I was a kid. Who she is inside, just shines through on the outside and it’s delightful. Your personal style is reflected in all the ways you present yourself and show up in the world - and the way people know you and what they’ve come to expect from you. You can choose how you want to be known and the legacy you create, like Martha who did it probably unconsciously, - by deciding how you want to feel inside. The way you feel inside comes across - consciously and unconsciously - in everything you do - even how your face looks when you’re lost in thought (like the RBF) - but it has to start from the inside. Your feelings are what will drive your interactions. We know your emotional state can be affected by a lot of outside circumstances - so what you choose to wear, how you set up your home or office, and how you choose to spend your time – your attitude, what you talk about, the way you take care of yourself, the way you navigate your relationships, and the way you work and play are all factors. The 100’s of ordinary personal style choices you make result in the feelings you experience. Only you know what will make you feel good or bring you down. You can learn more about the “whispers” of information that I think are so important to developing your own personal style by going back and listening to episode 2. Essentially, I believe that everyone has within them the info they need to make choices which make them feel amazing - and if you’re not living a life that makes you feel amazing, you may be missing the “whispers” which are telling you what would make you happier. Today, for instance, I was getting ready to go to a meeting where I had to get up in front of the group and give a presentation. A small presentation, but still, I get really nervous. I first reached for my sensible black pants and basic black flats and was looking for a safe sweater to wear -- when I realized that this outfit was NOT making me feel good. I needed something else. I needed a spark and I took a second to listen to the “whispers” as I have learned to do over time -- and ended up in some heels that I rarely wear because they’re a little edgy, some boyfriend jeans, a white silk shirt and beautiful pendant necklace. I also wore my hair a little curlier than usual. I used to stick with safe and possibly a little boring when I felt nervous - but I’ve realized that a little edge and heels, definitely make me feel more confident. And it did make me feel great when I gave my presentation and talked to people afterward. I felt “on” and sharp and more like the confident version of myself that I needed to be today. This is the value of listening to your whispers - higher quality feelings, resulting in higher quality interactions. When you intentionally make personal style choices - in the clothes you wear, the things you have in your home or office, and the way you interact - that lift your spirits and cultivate good feelings - you are able to create the experiences which add up to a life you love. One of the fastest ways I know of to start feeling good is to be kind to other people. Really go out of your way to make someone else happy. It helps you get out of your own way, shows you the affect your choices can have on other people. It’s also the best way I know to get out of a funk or cheer up when you’re feeling blue. You can always choose to be kind - no matter what. And even if you choose to do it for selfish reasons - to make yourself feel better - it’s going to make the people around you feel good too! I’ve created a 30 day Kindness Challenge that I’d like you to try. It’s low-pressure and all upside - no matter how you do it. When you sign up, I’ll send you 30 days of ideas for acts of kindness you can do anytime, anywhere. Take what you want and use the ones that are best for you. We’ve gotten really great feedback from people who say it made them feel really good to bring their focus onto being a little more kind everyday. You don’t have to get a new wardrobe or redecorate your house to feel the way you want to feel. This is free and available to you anytime, anywhere! You can use being kind as a jump start to taking charge of your personal style. It’s an easy way of creating the experiences you want to have in your life! Start putting out into the world, the goodness you want to feel - and it will come back to you. You can affect the quality of your life, have more of the good experiences you want to have, attract the people and opportunities you want into your life, and create better connections with the people you care about - by intentionally reaching for higher level, happier emotions. This doesn’t have to be super complicated. It isn’t a ton of work and there aren’t strict rules. You don’t even have to do years of therapy to get there. All of the small, ordinary choices you make every day can have a huge impact - this is the power of having Style With Intention.

You can get started right away, by just texting “100ACTS” - that’s 1-0-0-a-c-t-s - to the number 44-222 -- and we’ll get you going right away! You can also find a link to the "100 Acts Of Kindness Challenge" in the show notes for episode 8, over on our podcast website - www.stylewithintentention.com. Thanks for listening today and until next time, keep using your style to give you the experiences you want to have! Bye, bye for now! P.S. If you're new to podcasts, check out our Podcast Cheat Sheet - it's tell you everything you need to know about finding, downloading, listening on the go, and sharing podcasts. Click HERE to get it! Header image by: Ornella Binni