The Neverending Story: Not Even a Dumpster Fire of a Flying Dog-Thing Can Ruin This Classic

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A young boy, overwhelmed with grief at the sudden and potentially violent loss of his mother. A newly widowed father, still struggling to cope with massive change, becomes cold and distant to his son. With his imagination the only thing allowing him to escape to some semblance of happiness, the boy shoplifts a valuable original print book from a kind old man’s shop, and proceeds to hide in his school overnight while hallucinating a fantastical adventure with talking rocks and wolves until the early hours of the morning. Is this a horror story? A semi-accurate description of the life trauma that made Benny the mess he is today? Or a seminal childhood classic which features a flying dog-dragon that holds up about as well as a ham sandwich you hid behind a radiator 20 years ago?

The Neverending Story is one of those rare childhood classics that not only deserves to be called one, but offers complexity, creativity, and a deep sugary nougat you usually have to suck on a Tootsie Pop to reach. From gorgeous set pieces, to solid directing and editing, right down to surprisingly deep characters, no amount of shade tossed onto it by two embittered middle-aged men can tarnish the shine this movie has. Yes, some parts are goofy, some moments don’t really survive the test of time too well, but for the most part it’s a solid romp down memory lane.

Climb aboard that abhorrent piece of garbage Falcor, and chase some bullies into a garbage dumpster as we discuss such topics as:

• Benny had absolutely no idea that this movie was originally a German film. Like, German German
• There was not one, but two sequel films. The fact that you’re saying “really?” pretty much sums up how good they were
• The character design is fantastic in this movie, far better than they have any right to be. Even the wolf, who has some awful motion effects near the end, still manages to elicit a sense of dread
• The matte paintings in this film are honestly among the best we’ve ever seen, and it renewed our sorrow for this lost art form
• Transitions, transitions, transitions. It’s a little thing, but the movements between the fantasy world and Bastion’s real world are smooth and perfectly timed, and really add to the effectiveness of the storytelling
• Contrary to what Benny spent the past 26 years of his life believing, the horse that plays Artax didn’t actually die, and you’re a fool for believing that he did. But not Benny. Benny is no fool
• We don’t care how fondly you remember Falcor; he is a garbage character who repeatedly annihilates any tension or gravity the movie builds. The producers also apparently blew their effects budget on the other characters, because Falcor looks like a grade 3 production of Marmaduke
• It’s amazing what an adult perspective can give you with a movie like this. The inner battle with Bastion - real life vs imagination - is presented really well, and makes you think deeply about the moments we began to drift away from fantasy
• Also, the Sphinxs’ at the first gate have nipples
• Bastion, you have the power to grant yourself any wish you like, and as many as you could ever dream of. Oh, your first wish is to fly the crappy luck dragon? Really?