God-Empowered Families - Part 2 - Parenting God's Way

Victory Christian Centre, Hutt City, New Zealand

Our current focus is on "God in the Family", or "God-Empowered Families".

• The basic building block of any society or nation is the family unit

• If the family unit is strong then the nation will be strong

• If the family unit is broken down, the nation will be broken down also

• The seeds of family breakdown are many times sown in people's lives during their childhood, through:

  • Observing & adopting dysfunctional family dynamics
  • Lack of proper child training
  • Wrong child training

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Ephesians 6:4 (NCV) Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord.

• The goal of our parenting efforts is to raise up godly children who will become godly adults

• We make the Word of God the basis of our parenting philosophy, and teach our children God's Word

• Child-centred parenting is a worldly parenting philosophy and will produce self-centred children

• Our most basic task as Christian parents is to:

  • To get your children to obey us
  • To get our children to honour and respect us

1. Introducing the tree of the knowledge of good & evil

Gary and Anne Mary Ezzo have written an excellent book entitled "Parenting from the Tree of Life", in which they teach & encourage a positive and life-giving parenting style.

Genesis 2:8–9 (NIV) Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground— trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

God made and placed 3 main categories of trees in the Garden of Eden:

1. Beautiful trees including fruit trees everywhere
2. The tree of life middle of the Garden
3. The tree of the knowledge of good & evil middle of the Garden

God gave Adam & Eve permission to partake of all the fruit trees, including the tree of life (vs. 16-17), but at the same time He forbade them to partake of the tree of the knowledge of good & evil.

The tree of the knowledge of good and evil represents:

• Rules & Boundaries
• NO

Sooner rather than later, as parents, we should place the "tree of the knowledge of good & evil" in the child's life (rules, boundaries & NO).

Whilst obvious, dangerous and harmful temptation should be removed from children to keep them safe & keep them from getting into trouble, it is very healthy to establish rules, boundaries and the meaning of NO early in their childhood.

For example:

• NO hitting or biting
• NO anger or frustration tantrums
• NO lying
• NO answering back
• Definitely NO dishonourable language towards parents

1. Introducing consequences for "eating from the wrong tree"

If, and when children disobey & partake of the "forbidden tree", there have to be consequences!

• Consequences should be swift (connects the "time" with the "crime")
• Consequences should be, at the very least, unpleasant
• Consequences should be educative (explain the moral reason why)
• Consequences should be redemptive (don't correct out of spite)

Proverbs 13:24 (NKJV) He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly .

Proverbs 20:30 (GNB)Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.

• Children may learn from your disapproving words
• But children will really learn from the unpleasantconsequences of their disobedience
• Of course, consequences should be:
  • in proportion to their disobedience
  • in keeping with their age
• Parents who constantly shield or protect their children from any consequences of their disobedience will perpetuate disobedience in their children

Proverbs 22:15 (NKJV)Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13–14 (NLT) Don't fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won't kill them. 14 Physical discipline may well save them from death.

Proverbs 29:17 (NLT) Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind and will make your heart glad.

(Excellent Book: Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson).

1. Types of consequences:

• Loss of privilege
• Loss of certain enjoyments
• Time out, followed by an apology for misbehaving
• etc.

Of course, we not only teach our children against certain types of behaviour (attitudes & actions) but we also teach them for certain behaviour (actions & attitudes).

• We encourage certain behaviour
• We discourage certain behaviour
• We correct certain behaviour

We teach our children:

• Respect for others
• Respect for property
• Respect for the laws of the land (Authority)
• Etc.

1. The difference between Compliance vs Obedience

Compliance is "external" - obedience is "internal".

• Obedience is the joyful carrying out of expectations & requests
• Compliance is the grudging carrying out of expectations & requests
• Insist on the right attitude in your child as they follow your instructions

Proverbs 20:30 (LB)Punishment that hurts chases evil from the heart.

Correcting your child's behaviour has the goal of removing foolishness and/or evil from the heart, while at the same time imparting wisdom into their life.

1. The 7 R's of successful parenting

• Repetition is the mother of all learning
• Routine children thrive in routine
• Rules boundaries
• Reinforcement (positive & negative)
• Recognition catch them doing the right thing (praise)
• Re-direction redirect them before they get into trouble
• Rewards reward excellent behaviour & extraordinary efforts
• Relationships bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor. 15:33)

(both real & virtual [TV, screens etc.)

Be consistent - Inconsistency confuses the child.