Psychological Separation: What's Yours is NOT Mine

The Jenni Carroll Perspective

SHOWNOTES
EPISODE 3: PSYCHOLOGICAL SEPARATION: WHAT'S YOURS IS NOT MINE

In the third episode of Cultivate: the Jenni Carroll Perspective, we build on our understanding of how both conscious and unconscious expectations create challenges in relationships. We explore the rule of Psychological Separation and its integral role in managing relationships effectively.

Psychological Separation involves the mindful recognition and acceptance that the behaviors, choices, actions, and feelings of others are distinct from us. As a result, there is no need to personalize or internalize (create meaning around self) what others do or don’t do. This understanding allows us to become more aware of our internal narrative (the stories we produce in our mind) and challenge the often distorted meaning we create. We can use this rule to change the dynamic in all of our interactions with the most important people in our lives, as well as the everyday interactions with people we don’t even know. Ultimately, practicing Psychological Separation offers us the ability to change the experience of our relationships all on our own.

In order to illustrate this principle, we look at the intense example of infidelity, where the hurt partner is often left to deal with feelings of inadequacy and rage, making it difficult to move past the painful experience. The rule of Psychological Separation offers anyone in this situation the ability to work through their understandable emotion, but also to refuse to define themselves by their partner’s behavior. Interestingly, Psychological Separation applies to any interpersonal situation, from minor annoyances with strangers to complex issues with loved ones.

Psychological Separation is a powerful tool for cultivating healthier relationships. However, the rule of Psychological Separation also gives us an opportunity for greater self-awareness and growth. Practicing Psychological Separation begins with learning to notice our internal narrative. This habit of observation teaches us how to take ownership of our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Regular adherence to the rule of Psychological Separation brings a new perspective, increased self-awareness and freedom from our emotional dependence on others.

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