Mirroring: Absorbing Your Identity to Have One of Their Own

The Covert Narcissism Podcast

Did you feel like you had the perfect soulmate for you? I remember saying, You’re like the male version of me, and I’m the female version of you. We just had so much in common and connected on so many levels.

Mirroring is a manipulative tactic used by covert narcissists to charm you and catch you as their prey. However, mirroring plays out in several ways in these toxic relationships. Understanding this can certainly help you to make more sense out of the crazy nightmare.

Mirroring is when one person, consciously or unconsciously, imitates the gestures, speech, patterns, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, interests of another person. It involves both verbal and nonverbal behaviors.

At the beginning of the relationship, covert narcissists mirror you. They like what you like, love what you love, and want what you want. They agree with everything you say, and even talk like you talk. Using words and phrases you use. These instant connections help you to feel safe and secure, cared for and noticed. You let your guard down, and you over-trust.

Throughout the relationship, mirror imaging is a factor, but not just in one direction. We often end up mirroring them too, which is why so many victims of covert narcissistic abuse come to me asking if they are the narcissist!!

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