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If you don’t like us, we feel you. Pata Fria was given a defective vagina, Crystal used to love morning after pills and there’s a fine line between subtle enhancements and full on transformation. Crystal lasered herself a new face and loved telling everyone all about it. Men flirting is really cringe. Sexual dysfunction is stressful and Crystal is …
 
Pata Fria is a bio hacker. Roasting yourself is empowering! Bring back pink popcorn, more lavender foods and bad moms are a popular theme this week. It’s Latinx heritage month! Scarface is cancelled and don’t give your child a ridiculous name. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to tur…
 
Happy Birthday Peez!! Hers a big girl and is already acting like it. The Queen has passed. Now return the stolen artifacts. We’ve been having record breaking temperatures, don’t share my goodbye letter and tape your mouth shut. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp …
 
CHREEEEEEEES!! We feel sick. Crystal is a woodworker. Don’t sleep with your dead pets and Pata Fria is opening a Montessori school. Be patient with your neurodivergent partners and learn your love/apology languages. Forgiveness develops with time. Growing up in the 90s was so incredibly toxic and have you made a virginity promise to your dad? Join …
 
The kids are back to school and bringing home germs, yay! Crystal is a contractor specializing in residential renovations. The local Starbucks needs to train their employees on proper protocol. Bukk is here. Beater Boys. Please keep your pets away from onions and garlic!! Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short,…
 
Happy Birthday Crystal!!! Camping was a shit show, trouble follows us everywhere and influencer drama has us in a chokehold. Reviewing some unnecessary write ins, not the good kind. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and u…
 
Leo season is upon us. We’re recording in a bed. Is Pata Fria’s ig gone forever? Crystal’s house and nerves are in disarray, Pata Fria and Will started fasting and talk shows in the 90s were AWFUL. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21…
 
We’re doing our best. Crystal’s house is all over the place, Pata Fria is a carpet cleaning professional, stop leaving your lashes everywhere. We’re still waiting on Uncle Jimmy, let’s all take monkey pox seriously and always plead not guilty on your tickets. It’s worth a shot. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of …
 
Is the Choco Taco really saying goodbye? Kids, finish your raisin water, snap peas and blackberries. Shaving Cream has a lot of uses! Your name coulda been Elvis. Stop wasting paper towels and wash your rice? Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head o…
 
Welcome to grow tf up everything isn’t funny. Carolyn might be getting a roommate, Pata Fria is becoming a gamer and we might move to LA. Never leave your kids unattended, follow these notes on how to be a good wife, zebras in CA is true. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 1…
 
Back loving the Blood Mary’s. Let’s all get new haircuts. We live in hell, boric acid is not for everyday use and if you’re into skat play safe! People flashing their lights in the daytime are friends! And Crystal won’t even cheat with a doll. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to tur…
 
In person is always better. Everything in moderation, even the good stuff. If you love me, play dead. Loss of a pet is insanely rough. If you’re gonna dress up your siblings at least take pics. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhe…
 
We’re so happy to be back. We would like a Raisin Bran sponsorship. Now Bunny has Covid. Be careful driving cars that backfire. Bladder botox is ridiculous and we miss our grandmas. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and u…
 
We’re back! Crystal and family had Covid, Pata Fria ran away to Florida. iPhones are messy, don’t make new videos of dead loved ones, Crystal will never stop seeing dad d*ck and got a hot new bathing suit! Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head ove…
 
Pata Fria got a Mexican denture and surprised herself with how creative she gets while hurt. Crystal got a special voicemail and visit right when she needed it. Nightmares are among us, after 2.5yrs Crystal finally got Covid and blocking ppl is about self preservation, not you. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is of…
 
It’s hot. Roaches are never welcome. Crystal is a caring death doula and guns are outta control. Pata Fria is more prude than you’d expect, thank god for growth, use water in the bathroom and dnt be gross. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over…
 
Happy Birthday Pata Fria. Don’t call me “lil mama”. Be extra nice nice to the ugly produce and Aunt Debra is a damn fool. Being a woman is annoying, not everyone can breastfeed and Crystal’s singing has to stop. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/c…
 
We’re almost 4 years old!! Pata Fria is back from Mexico. Carolyn might have a keepsake for sale and we have a new beauty secret to share. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.…
 
Crystal is an adult cheerleader. Keep politics out of our vaginas. Hyper sexual children are more common than some realize and love at first month is totally possible. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stori…
 
Coffee is a trickster. Tomatoes used to be a lot better tasting. Stop telling everyone your family planning and extreme cheapskates are great. Crystal is ALL about mid century modern and Pata Fria is getting her affairs in order. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off y…
 
Welcome. Pata Fria draws nice stars. Crystal’s “what ifs” are non stop. Don’t fall for IG scams. Don’t forget your kids places, honest people still do exist. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, …
 
Wanna smooth things out? Make a dance routine. Women are really in constant physical pain. Water isn’t a good time and cannibalism should be legal. Personality tests be on point and don’t let social media make you feel like you aren’t doing enough. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our liste…
 
Eat cinnamon mentos for dinner. Our kids been stressing us to death and we hate Pepsi. Our recording decor is really classy and Netflix is being greedy. Tips on how to get more fellatio and plan your after death signs now. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your firs…
 
RIP to our dear listener Lauren. Do your laundry. Carolyn needs to make some money. Divorce is ok!! Swear on your own life. It pays to be a good person and tiny mustaches should be a thing. For additional weekly episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instag…
 
Two mentally ill moms… Is Pata Fria retired? Crystal is still talking to strangers. New hair, who dis? Crystal needs to delete games off her phone. Hand me downs are great. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use disco…
 
Pata Fria’s voice is returning. We’re still wearing masks. Depression is a stupid bitch. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover and beware of mountain lions in your backyard. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount c…
 
Excedrine is that girl. Don’t take our medical advice. iPhone “Share My Location” is not always accurate. Crystal gives great history lessons. Pray for Ukraine. We’ve been taught very contradictory rules. Always be open to learning and please leave us a review xo Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discoun…
 
Trauma makes you funny. Where is Pata Fria’s period. We’re kids with kids and the Olympics are racist. We got really sweet valentines, Crystal got embarrassing singing from her mom. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life …
 
Crystal brought us in with a very 90s serenade. Love Day is upon us. Pata Fria got new lashes. Don’t break anyone’s heart. Chode vs mushroom Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp…
 
Crystal is singing again. We’re tired of paying bills. The groundhog saw his shadow. We’re not role models. Decriminalize drug use. Kill your local rapist. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, th…
 
Botox time is always a joy. This is a luxury trailer community. New Year’s resolution for couples. Billionaires don’t need space toys. Check out this week’s sponsor! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is added weekly. If y…
 
Welcome to the smoking closet. Crystal has tough lungs and more unlocked memories. Don’t fake the funk. Pata Fria wants a spiked ring of ownership and McKenzie fights. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount co…
 
Today’s episode is gross. There is no singing today. We’re definitely from the older generation, hygiene is being brought up AGAIN. Tweaker fights are the best. Join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: …
 
Everybody’s sick. We’re old. Crystal’s paranormal roommates have been ACTIVE. Try to stay on top of your meds and don’t be a cheater. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/H…
 
Last episode of the year; 2021 has not been kind. You can stop being friends without becoming enemies. CDC said go to work. Don’t buy your kids tattoo machines. The Damato kids are hilarious. Snow trips with no adults. Roses for Jesus. Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% …
 
We’re not starting a pet furniture line. They can’t all be good days. Crystal has been living on IG live. Treat yourself to an occasional visit from a housekeeper. Dog bites. Poor family outings. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Join our Patreon…
 
We’re so happy to be back. Don’t let anyone put you in a closet. Self love shouldn’t bother you. Sober sex is different! Tattoos are great. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of life/Carolyn’s independent living expenses, please visit https://gofund.me/acc45cd6 Check out this week’s sponsor! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offe…
 
We love you Billy. National Day of Mourning. Don’t learn to make greens on the internet. Autopsy tours should be a thing. Frankenstein has moved out. Hippos are living it up in Colombia. In honor of Billy we’re bringing back the holiday tee, details how to purchase are available on our ig page. If you’d like to contribute to Billy’s celebration of …
 
We’re back after a rough couple weeks. Pata Fria has a plastic surgery addiction. Billy gave us a huge scare. Check in with your kids and take mental health as seriously as physical health. Don’t go slow in the fast lane and always shower before you get waxed. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount …
 
It’s our 3 year anniversary week!! The new iPhone update might have a sneaky new feature. Bad service in a restaurant is really a mood killer and if Crystal wants your recipe she’ll track you down! Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to bet…
 
Retrograde is bringing them old thangs back, don’t raise our rent. Crystal is a cool mom and also a part time plumber. Trains vs threesomes and Pata Fria booked another surgery. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use …
 
We’re back together again! Crystal is a sex queen. Bunny’s becoming a bit of a problem and please always wash your hands! Check out this week’s sponsors! • Poshmark The seasons are changing, we’re ready to clean out our closets and grab some new items for fall! Poshmark is our favorite reseller app on the market. It’s super easy to set up a closet …
 
Keep you head on a swivel, weirdos are out there. Raising sons isn’t always a great time. Pumpkin season is upon us and tiktok is great for life hacks. Check out this week’s sponsors! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with real life scenarios and new content is …
 
Please note, this is our first episode recorded separately due to covid. Our quality of sound may have been somewhat compromised. A few updates, a few write ins…everyone be safe and thank you for listening! Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head ov…
 
Crystal Barbie wasn’t real, call her Crystal hot tits. Everyone needs to explode sometimes. HSP explains a lot. PeePee is doing much better, Natalia made everyone early valentines. Check the dates on all snacks always. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first m…
 
Bunny had her first fight, Crystal ate some bad food, Pata Fria is loving store deliveries and curbside service. When was the last time you ran full speed? Stay your asses off the milk crates and race play kinks are unfortunately a thing. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For …
 
Happy Birthday Crystal, fussy babies and the first day of school. Don’t eat chocolate in the bed and does anyone know how long plan B lasts? Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhel…
 
Crystal got embarrassed at Alpha Beta and has ugly nails. Pata Fria is a lonely girl, but don’t marry your cousin or your child. Starbucks is really slackin so thank god for Orbit Coffee! Check out this week’s sponsors! • DIPSEA Dipsea is an audio app full of short, sexy stories designed to turn you on! The characters feel like real people with rea…
 
PMS is killing us. Was Crystal actually a southern woman in a past life? America’s eating habits are embarrassing. Don’t wait for the stink. Check out this week’s sponsors! • BetterHelp Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhel…
 
We’re still wearing masks, Pata Fria’s sex drive is on it’s way back and Crystal got her mouth clawed. Don’t poison your family, be passive aggressive or start fires with your gender reveals. Check out this week’s sponsors! • Hella Infused High quality handmade lab tested CBD infused products. Black woman owned/local/independent business! Right now…
 
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