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David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto. It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his…
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“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A Crucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120 Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up. Also, Jesus is asked important…
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We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different. The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and …
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Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all! We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles. Oh yeah! And…
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We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart. 2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact …
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Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit. - Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long. - David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul. - MOAR GIANTS!!1! - And some politically charged poetry Hearts and kisses…
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Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors! We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions. Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you se…
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We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport. We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus. We ta…
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We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels. Judas gets replaced. The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire. And the early church starts getting persecuted simply f…
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David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors. We get some crazy propaganda. As always. And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it. This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be do…
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Ugh uhhh ugh. Ughg ghgggh uggghhh ughg guhg. Ugh ghhhgh ugh God ughg. Ugh ugh ghgugh ugh bible bullshit. Ughg ugh uhghghg ghg ugh. Ugh gugh ugh David. Ugh ugh ghgugh fucked up rich kids. Ughghghg ugh ghughg ugh runs like a wuss. Ugh gghgu ugh gugh incest rape. Ugh ghgh uguhg the speaker of the national house of representatives gets his moral guidan…
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Welp, talk about a roller coaster. We start with David getting God's promise to have a descendant on the throne forever (fingers likely crossed), to adultery, murder and divine infanticide. But dudes in dresses reading children's books, that's the problem? It's the story of Bathsheba. And by the story of Bathsheba, I mean she was present for some e…
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Like with all the other enemies of David, things really fall apart for Saul's son, Ishbaal. I won't spoil anything but he dies and David becomes king of the entire land of Israel and Judah. We start really getting into 1 Chronicles and talk about where the book came from and the differences with the books of Samuel and Kings. We find out that David…
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We kick off 2 Samuel with David "mourning" for his dead "friends" that he "didn't have killed". And actually immediately we start with a completely different version of how Saul died. Which kicks off the bullshit parade of David being absolutely perfect and having no malice for his enemies who just happen to keep dropping dead as soon as he leaves …
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Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing. This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be …
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We're taking a break from the bible to learn a little about some ancient superstitions. Well, OTHER ancient superstitions. Have you ever had a baby give you menacing grimace? Has an ex-lover given you a chilling side-eye? Have you ever been some where in public and possibly had someone look at you even without your knowledge? THEN YOU MAY BE CURSED…
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We wrap up the book of 1 Samuel and even though Samuel has been dead for a while he's not going to let that stop him from showing up in his own book. David's town gets raided but luckily the raiders are much better people than David is. They leave all the women and children alive when they take them. Then David shows up to take them back and kills …
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David goes on the run from Saul! Ducking his attempts to capture him and living life as a fugitive. Just like that Harrison Ford movie. What was it called? Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull? Good thing for Saul, when David gets a chance to kill him he chooses not to. And Saul sees the errors of his ways, forgiving David for the wrong doing he did…
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BREAKING NEWS: Saul sours on short sultry servant, David! See! I could have written headlines during bible times. Talk about a short honeymoon period. David gets done killing Goliath and immediately some school girls come up with a jump rope song about David killing more people than Saul. So Saul gets all agro and starts throwing spears around will…
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We finally cover the ultimate David and Goliath story... David and Goliath! God, tired of having a tall, handsome king, has shifted his focus to a short, handsome king. And like an 80s New York real estate baron, he doesn't give a shit if there's overlap. Like maybe file for divorce BEFORE anointing the next one, right? We also find a big narrative…
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Merry Christmas, sinners & sodomites! In this week’s episode we dive into the gospels with the birth of our lord and savior. A story so vital and so foundational to the religion that it only appears in two of the gospels. But that’s ok, because in the two we have the stories line up perfectly, with minor exceptions for the time, place, events and p…
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Ok. NOW Saul is king, I guess. So there is your happy ending to the story. Nothing could possibly-- What's that? God's already done with him? Ughhhhhh... Saul pisses off the all powerful Lord by cooking meat without a license. Samuel pulled him over and cited him for sacrificing without bribing a priest. Thus our God of Love passes judgement like a…
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I know what you're thinking. WHEN THE HELL IS ISRAEL GOING TO HAVE A KING!??!!? I know. It's frustrating. I've been there many times before. But in the words of esteemed Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Samuel begrudgingly tells everyone that since they have rejected God being their king, probably because nothing seemed to get d…
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In our second episode on 1 Samuel it's all about the Ark of the Covenant! That's right, the GodBox that guarantees victory over your enemies. And we start with a story of Israel not only losing to their enemies but having the Ark stolen from them... So what was the point of the Ark again? God gets real testy with the folks who steal the Ark. Of cou…
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Kicking off a new bible book strong with talk of barren women, boarding school, priests mistaking prayer for drunkenness, and shitty sons who steal meat. That's right, what other book could this be than 1 Samuel? Samuel is the profit (sp?) that ends up appointing Saul to be king, realizing that was a fuck up and then appointing David, which works o…
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WOO HOO! 50 EPISODES! So there's that. We are joined by Josh's mom, Jill to give us a Christian perspective as we talk all things Christian. We talk about everything in this SEO-friendly bullet list: Leaving religion The Waco miniseries 7th Day Adventists A crazy Jehovah's Witness dream Jill had Trixie Mattel Pornhub Church abuse Sister Cindy Heali…
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Wrapping up Judges with some good old fashioned sexism, violence and mayhem! If you thought Jephthah's story was tragic, just you wait. We meet a certain Levite who turns out to be Moses' grandson. An ambitious young man who doesn't seem to be bothered by Micah breaking all the laws his grandfather came up with. And when his concubine runs away he …
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Ooooh boy. This episode was so good we had to record it twice! We start off with an amazing story about a father and daughter and the things we do for the Lord. And the things the Lord lets us do for him despite being a loving, all knowing and all powerful Lord. Our first Judge this episode is Jephthah. A guy that likes to make weirdly specific pro…
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This is it folks. The crucifixion. The grand climax. Where God’s Holy Spirit comes on all of us. But first we find out what happened to Judas, who realized what a Judas he had been to Jesus. But of course, no one can say for sure what happened to him. Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate who oddly comes across as a pretty decent dude. Too de…
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The bible is SO PRO-WOMAN! As you'll be able to tell from the story of Deborah, the only female Judge. Her story is well balanced in comparison to the story of Gideon, the other Judge for this episode. Gideon is the closest we get to a scientist in the bible, what with his not trusting a single sign from God and requiring further evidence. Moist, s…
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Sit down, Judge Judy! We're talking about Judge SHAMGAR!!! That's an EPIC name for a judge, isn't it? It's going to be an amazing story, right!? The point of the Book of Judges is to fill in the gaps between Joshua and the Israelites "demanding" their first king. A cycle, similar to Exodus, where the chosen people continually let God down, get span…
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We wrap up the Book of Joshua and boy does it make time stand still. Apparently God makes the sun stand still for a whole day and somehow that didn't cause everything and everyone to go flying off into space. Why would a god capable of doing that tell people to kill each other? Probably to teach us a lesson about faithfulness. Excuse the meow's in …
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You remember that part of the bible when Jesus performed the miracle of getting a rabbit to lay chocolate, cream filled eggs? No? Well then you're just not reading the bible right. We dig into what the hell happened for Christians to turn Jesus' resurrection into a fertility festival geared toward grooming children into their "lifestyle". Eostre, I…
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We all remember the songs about Joshua and the Battle of Jericho and the cartoons and the children's books. All those glorious money-making forms of "art" that taught children valuable lessons about walking in circles around a city and not shouting until God says it's ok, while ignoring that the story was about divinely mandated genocide. Let's pla…
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I'll be honest. This episode is about crossing a river. We cover 5 chapters of the bible, and at the beginning of it some people are on one side of a river, and at the end those people are on the other side of the river. If you're into rivers, this episode is for you. If you loved River Phoenix in the 1992 cinema masterpiece "Sneakers" then this ep…
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While reading Genesis in our first several episodes, I noticed odd things. The same stories repeated, stories with inconsistent details, and conflicting commandments. Things I’m sure I noticed growing up as a Christian, but I wrote off as a lack of biblical knowledge on my part. I started doing research into what modern science and scholars can tel…
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We finally cover the story of the little wooden prophet who wanted to be a real boy so bad he ended up in the belly of a whale. Ok, so he wasn't wooden, didn't want to be a real boy, and it was a fish and not a whale. But still! Hear the iconic tale of Jonah being swallowed for a fi... oh it's over? Just like that, it's just done? Well how are we g…
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We dive deep into Josh. Or at least Josh's past. How he went from devout Christian to a raging atheist. Was it because of all the Carmen, dc talk, and POD he listened to growing up? Was it because he learned about creationism from Canned Hamm? Was it because he went to a Christian university that didn't allow dancing? Nope. Ultimately it's God's fa…
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We take on the 2nd and last book named for a woman. Will she be a feminist icon? No. I'll just let you know that now. But she will make a few decisions for herself. So yay for progress. Have you ever wondered, "What's up with the Jewish holiday of Purim?" I know you have. I heard you whispering about it into your pillow at night. "Where did Purim c…
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Happy New Year all you sinners and sodomites! We're having ourselves a laid back episode where we go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole on Yzidism, a religion where one of the central figures is a Peacock Angel. And we talk about a great post a listener left on our subreddit. Pardon the goddamn husky belonging to our neighbor barking in the background pr…
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This week we blow through Ruth, one of the shorter books of the bible, in a single episode. We find out about Naomi, whose sons break religious law by marrying Moabite women, not that anyone mentions that. But when her husband and sons die in seemingly unrelated events, Naomi and her daughter-in-law, Ruth, return to Judah. Naomi and Ruth work on ge…
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You know that feeling when you're talking with 3 of your friends in poetic verse for a few days and then you find out there was another guy there the entire time? Job does. This young guy, Elihu, apparently has been there this entire time and is pissed off at everybody. He goes on a rant and then disappears into the background again. Almost as if h…
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We kick off a two part series on the Book of Job. That weird book people LOVE to talk about but no one reads... I guess that's not specific enough. That weird book where god suddenly unleashes unending cruelty on someone for no reason... I guess that's not specific enough. It's the one where god makes a bet with Satan that he has Job gaslit enough …
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We set the "good" book aside for the week and pull up some "meh" videos on modern Christianity. We react to way out of the logical box thinking on religion. Meet Tim Mackie, one of the founders of Bible Project. Tim has some interesting ideas on the nature of God's space and Earth's space. And how they overlaPAH. Unfortunately we never are told the…
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We wrap up our 4 part series on the book of Acts and hear all about Paul's retirement in Rome. But that's skipping ahead. First off, the unchanging, infallible Holy Spirit kicks off this episode by changing their mind on Paul going to Jerusalem. But don't worry, Paul ignores it and there is no consequences. Paul has to prove his Judaism to the Chri…
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Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing. This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be …
  continue reading
 
We’re taking a short break from our series on the book of Acts this week to talk with Lilac, a teenager who was kicked out of her home because of religious issues with her Jehovah’s Witness family. The first part of the episode, I’ll explain to Linz how I found out what was going on with Lilac and get Linz’s reaction. And in the second part we have…
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We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport. We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus. We ta…
  continue reading
 
We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels. Judas gets replaced. The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire. And the early church starts getting persecuted simply f…
  continue reading
 
We wrap up our 18 part series on Jesus and the gospels with his bouncy ball burial. You just can’t keep this dude down. While there’s some discrepancies among the gospels on the burial, that’s nothing compared to the resurrection. None of them can agree wtf happened. How many angels were there? Were they men or boys? Were there solders there? Did t…
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